My pregnancy with you was terrifying. We rode the roller coaster together, and I did everything I could to keep you safe. I loved feeling you grow, watching my belly roll and wave as you did your acrobatics. Daddy both loved – and was terrified – to touch my stomach when you got to moving. I think he’s seen the movie Aliens one time too many!
Actually, one of my favorite parts of pregnancy was seeing how it changed your daddy. For nine months, he turned into a big softie. He worried about you non-stop. Every time I would bend over to pick something up or tie my shoe, he’d yell “DON’T SQUISH THE BABY!” I was constantly reassuring him that my body was DESIGNED to keep you safe and un-squished, but he didn’t want to take any chances. But he never lost his crazy sense of humor. He just barely survived the last few weeks of my pregnancy, when he took to making “BOING” sound effects whenever I walked in the room.
Sweet boy, I loved our time when it was just the two of us. Just me, laying in bed, feeling you move. I loved talking to you, and playing you music (every single day, I played John Lennon’s Beautiful Boy. It fit us perfectly, especially the line that had long been my life motto: “Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans”). I loved watching the cats freak out when you kicked them through my stomach. I loved dreaming about what you would look like and who you’d grow up to be.
Daddy and I chose your name very carefully. We named you Larkin, my maiden name. You have an amazing family, little boy. Standing behind you are several generations of Godly men and women – in particular, your grandpa. My dad is a strong, stoic man who is rich in the spirit and you would do well to learn much from him. I loved giving you my family name, and I hope you always feel pride in the strength it carries.
As for your middle name, I always knew if I had a son, I wanted to name him David, after the Psalmist. Larkin, study the story of David. Hold it close to you always. He was just a boy, small and timid and teased by those bigger than him - but God did amazing things through him. He was just a man, weak and wounded and full of sin – but God redeemed him, and still called him “a man after my own heart”. Remember this – you can never fall too far. You can never run so far that God cannot find you, cannot fix you, cannot SAVE you.
Larkin means ‘fierce’. You are strong. You are a fighter, have been since conception! David means beloved. And, oh, my son, you are LOVED! Even before you were born – you were LOVED. Before you took your first breath – you were PRAYED for. You were wonderfully and fearfully made, knit together in my womb by a God who loves you desperately. Never, ever forget that.
Even though you were a surprise to me and daddy, you were no accident. In the beginning, when I held you, I looked through my tears and told daddy, “God knew what we were missing before we knew we were missing anything at all.”
You are my gift. You are my blessing. You are worth every minute of worry, every second of struggle. You are my miracle.
To the moon… and back,